Memorial Day is here, and for many, it is the beginning of summer. For others, it is a day to honor the memories of their friends and family who have made the ultimate sacrifice for the United States. I am a military veteran, and like many who have served, I have lost friends. As the years go by, the images of their faces fade.
But I try to hold on to the memories. However, I did not lose a parent, spouse, or child. I can only imagine how hard that must be. I always finding myself saying, “I’m sorry,” hoping to provide some comfort, but also feeling inadequate. It was in reflection today that I recalled Abraham Lincoln and the Bixby letter.
Shortly after Lincoln was inaugurated, the country found itself engaged in a bloody civil war. Lincoln himself, like many other key leaders on both sides, thought the war would be short. Following the shots at Fort Sumter, Lincoln called for 75,000 volunteers for a three month campaign to crush the rebellion. The war would end up lasting 4 years and cost 620,000 lives.
To say the war did not start out well for the Union is an understatement. Between incompetent generals and southerners finding a hero in Robert E. Lee, whose victories became well known in the press, many people in the North were considering the idea of just letting the confederacy exist. There were even real concerns that either England, France, or both, might intervene on the side of the confederacy due to their dependence on the southern cotton trade.
Fortunately, there was no foreign intervention; following a draw at Antietam in September 1862, Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, which freed all slaves in states in rebellion against the United States. He also clearly stated that the war was about slavery, thus negating any willingness of England or France to come to the aid of the confederacy. The turning point would be at Gettysburg in July of 1863, in which the Union finally defeated Lee, and just under two years later, Lee would surrender to Ulysses S. Grant.
Through it all, Lincoln received harsh internal criticism from his own party, Unionist democrats, former generals, and civilians who lost loved ones. They argued that Lincoln did not know what he was doing; they thought the sacrifice was not worth it. Once such person was a woman named Lydia Bixby who had lost five sons in battle. She became well known in the press with her vicious attacks against Lincoln.
Lincoln’s response always amazes me. After all, when one is attacked, there is an instinct to fight back. Lincoln did not do that. He made no attempt to criticize her; nor did he hide the fact that the war was costly and that it did not go the way he had hoped. In short, he took ownership of the war and empathized with a woman who had lost five sons.
Lincoln decided to write her a letter, which was later published in the Boston Evening Transcript. While it was not written on Memorial Day, I cannot think of a better message for this occasion. I include a photo of that letter below:
What I admire most about this letter is Lincoln’s empathy. He did not attempt to dismiss her pain. While she attacked him in the press, he did not respond in kind. Instead, like many of his great speeches, Lincoln tried to showcase how the sacrifice of her sons meant something for the Union and the cause for which they were fighting. He also offered comfort while acknowledging that his words were “weak and fruitless” in any attempt to alleviate her grief.
This year, we are in the middle of a global pandemic. Many of us, instead of traveling or hitting the beach, find ourselves stuck at home. We have lost people due to the virus; many others have lost their livelihoods due to the effects of the shutdown. Leaders have had to make some hard decisions, and it is easy to criticize the actions of the leaders, because even with the best of intentions, they will make some wrong decisions.
It is my hope that instead of casting blame or deflecting, they can reflect, acknowledge those mistakes, and empathize with those who have lost their livelihoods or their lives during this crisis. Any leader, if they are honest, has made mistakes while being in charge. This is particularly true in a crisis, and you can find many examples of great leaders who, while successful, certainly racked up their list of failures. Let’s admit the mistakes and move on. In short, I would love our leaders to respond like Lincoln.
As for the rest of us, I hope you enjoy your weekend cookouts and this first day of summer the best you can under the circumstances. But I hope you also have a chance to reflect on this holiday and understand why this day is painful for many. Finally, there is nothing wrong with asking questions about a war or other policy issues related to government. In a constitutional republic, it is our duty to ensure that we ask those questions so that if we do commit to war, we are doing so for the right reasons and that we are not needlessly expending lives.
I hope the words of the Bixby letter provide as much meaning to you as they do to me.
